Tuesday, May 08, 2007


I was so thankful for this new perspective on things, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled since. Last year I was expecting my period around Mother’s day. It was a day or two late, but that had happened enough times in the past that I knew it would be a waste to take a pregnancy test. But, of course that didn’t stop me from getting my hopes up. I thought, how great would it be of God to give me a child—not on someone else’s birthday or a holiday, but on a day just for me! I thought I had figured Him out again!

When I woke up on Mother’s day, I had started my period. I felt that was a cruel joke. My heart was heavy.

I went to church and served donuts and orange juice to all the mothers of the church. I was doing a glorious job of hiding my sorrow. But, during worship I decided not to hide it from God, so I cried, I prayed and I sang. My spirits were lifted and my hope restored.

That night as we were getting ready for our week, we put the TV show “Scrubs” on in the background. I guess because it was Mother’s day, the whole episode was about one of the lead characters finding out she was pregnant after having tried for a long time. I stopped what I was doing, sat down and watched. It was like I was watching to see how things would turn out for me! It’s crazy how our minds work, isn’t it? At the end of the episode there was a party. Everyone she loved was there. She walked in and revealed to everyone the good news, and NO kidding, the show went to slow motion for the last five minutes as people cheered and cried, and she hugged every single person in the room. They doted over her and everyone was so happy for her and her husband.

I went to Andy and just cried. I might have even screamed and punched some things too. Then, when I realized what was happening, I got angry. I screamed at Satan, “Oh NO! You can’t do this to me anymore! God has freed me from this and you will not keep me down!”

I felt better.

“When the devil had finished all his tempting, he left him until an opportune time.” Luke 4:13

Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

The Bible tells us it’s going to happen. Just wait for it, and don’t let it destroy you.

Next Post: 5/10/2007

1 comment:

jimmy (dge.y.m.ie) said...

Man, we all struggle with all kinds of stuff. I need to hear these verses too.